Hello everyone! I wanted to come on here and vent about the ongoing battle inside my mind in 2019. It's been a weird year and a year of realizing that I am lost. For me 2019 I spend trying to figure out what I want and who I am. In 2018 I lost someone my whole life was around. I didn't know what to do and I still don't know. I sit here (very sick btw) writing this crying because I've never felt so off track and lost. I feel like a failure even my own brother told me this and that hurt me so much. I am disappointed in myself but I really do want to change things around. I finally told myself that it is okay to feel like this. I don't allow myself to feel anything ever because I get so scared. I just want people to know that no I am not okay but I just have myself and I have to do things for me. I was in a relationship for 7 years and was so caught up with this person's issues that I never did things for myself. I hate that I am dragging this person because they are dead but I can't hide the fact that I was in a toxic relationship. I gave so much to this person and dug a hole that very hard to come out of. I've decided to take a pause on my schooling this last semester because I was just going to school just to go... I lost sight of what I want. I still do not know what I want to do with my life and that makes me very scared. I just feel hopeless and lost at the moment like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even know what I like anymore. 2019 has been a whole mess and I think it's time for me to stop just feeling sorry for myself and change. I am not a fan of change I hate it!!! I see everyone graduating and just feel so sad cause I know that could've been me if I wasn't trapped in a toxic headspace with a toxic person. I am starting all from square one and it sucks because I feel like I am so old and everyone has their life together except me. I feel like I'm repeating myself but I just hate feeling this hopeless. At the end of the day, I keep having to tell myself that it's okay I will figure it out and everything happens for a reason. I don't like putting time constraints on anything because it gives me anxiety and I start to dwell on it. People tell me it's all about baby steps but with my mental health and what I've gone through I just want to skip to where everything is okay...
2019 was a mess but there were good moments like traveling and experiencing different states and meeting people and starting to feel a bit happy again and getting myself back. I also found a love for indoor cycling! I know crazy and sounds fucking white as hell BUT it's fun and an escape for me... I am not an athletic at all but it's something about just disconnecting for 45 mins with some bops in the dark that is fun for me. It's all about finding myself again. I hope that no one ever loses sight of who they are because at the end of the day you only have yourself. Don't ever forget that!!! It's not selfish to take care of yourself and I learned that this year.

Update on my shitty life

Hi everyone I just wanted to get on here to update with whats going on in my life and just vent. I don't know where to even start. There's a lot but also there isn't? 
I'm just going to write what I'm feeling and what I want to say. So beware this post is going to confusing and everywhere. I warned you so don't get frustrated because I don't know how to write at the moment. 

April 2018 boxycharm unboxing

Hello, everyone, I am back!!! Sorry, this unboxing took a while to get up but my boxycharm arrived a bit late this month... I believe they used FedEx to ship it out and they usually take a while to get to my P.O. box. I know these posts aren't the most exciting things anymore because boxycharm just spills the beans on the box every single month now which sucks because I use to like when they only gave us one spoiler or two but now they just let us know the whole box. Whether you care or not I will still be posting my unboxings but I also want to stay away from these posts now because everyone knows what's in the box and we have all been getting the same things. I will say that my unboxings most of the time are also a first impression because I use the things after I'm done taking pictures for the blog. 

Let's get into this month's unboxing!

Colourpop New Theory Lippie Kit Swatches

Hi everyone, I am back and this time with a swatch party! I recently caved in and bought the New Theory lippie kit from colourpop's butterfly spring collection, as well as a super shock shadow. I bought these with my own money... Obviously! I wish I would get PR packages but I probably will never be on that level and that's totally fine with me. I just like sharing my experience and having my excitement for makeup and other things out in the world

I was very interested in this lippie kit because I need more lipsticks (I don't but you know) and surprisingly I only own one of their lippie stick and wanted to try out more I thought the colors were amazing for spring. I am so excited to rock a red lip or a nude lip with my cute spring outfits.

I am so sorry it took forever to get this posted but there have been some laptop issues and I really need to find time to fix my laptop but that doesn't matter....

So let's get the swatch party/first impressions started!!!