update with me ... nov. 3,2013


Hai everyone! I know that i've been MIA well actaully not really in action to be honest. ;; Last month was just the worst month of my life so far. I feel like my life has turned upside down, so i've been so lazy lately and not in the mood for a lot of things. I'm sorry everyone!! :c 
Things with me have been eh, I mean lately i've been really depressed and I feel the pressure of a lot things. School stresses me the heck out and I just wanna do my best and then I got my other personal issues with myself. I'm not really happy about anything anymore and it sucks. I feel like i've fallen into a dark place in my life where i'm really unhappy with myself, and I try to lie to myself about so many things and I try to tell myself that everything will be okay. I just want to be strong for myself and for people around me and my family and all but ugh the pressure. Also I really am tired of everyone bullshark and i'm so done with living with my father, he is literally the worst human being in the world! I don't want to get into my father issues with him because it's just a hard thing to just say on here, I don't like how he acts towards everyone, I just hate everything that he does. u__u 
Then sadly my relationship has ended, and that just the last thing I needed in my life at the moment. I'm not really sure what my relationship is now to be honest, I mean "eventually" we will get back together but just time, we need it to pass. I want/will to wait for him and all but everyone is saying that, by doing that i'm hurting myself. I've never thought that I would lose someone so close to me in a day, well I haven't lost him fully but yano having to wait for him is hurting a lot. All this was basically my fault ;; because I am a horrible person and I didn't really consider that he was so lovely and I stupidly took everything he did for me for granted. Now I just feel stupid and poopy,  I still love him loads and he's still my cutie bear forever. For now I am going to wait and see what life has in store for me, its scary to even think of what will and could happen in the future, i'm so hung up on memories and these feelings that it ruins me even more. I am alone at the moment with having to deal with all this is just really poopy and weh. I know i'm not the only one dealing with stuff all the time, we all are going through some poopy stuff and I just want people to stay strong like what i'm trying to do.... It'll get better, one day. Damn that one day that I want to come already. Sighs oh wells
I've been so personal lately on here its weird but whateves, it's mostly for me to look at in the future and know that I got through it.
This thingy was probably all over the place because I kept randomly adding to it so if it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry and I probably sound stupid too but whateves yo ~ 
I think you're all so lovely and cute and wonderful :3 
-Sam 

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