Update on my shitty life

Hi everyone I just wanted to get on here to update with whats going on in my life and just vent. I don't know where to even start. There's a lot but also there isn't? 
I'm just going to write what I'm feeling and what I want to say. So beware this post is going to confusing and everywhere. I warned you so don't get frustrated because I don't know how to write at the moment. 

My life has been turned upside down and it's so scary. I lost my best friend, my boyfriend, the person I thought I was going to be with forever to suicide. It all so crazy to me still because it's going to be a month in a couple days and to be honest it all still doesn't feel real. It feels like we are just "broken up" and can't talk to each other; it feels like I can still just go to his house or text/call him. I'm still in denial of losing someone that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was with Aaron for 7 years. 7 years of my life are gone. I spend pretty much every single day with him. He was a big part of my life and I was a big part of his. I loved him so much and always will. He was my soulmate, my handsome. I still think about all these damn memories we had and every single thing I talk about connects to him. Everything in my life was about him. We shared everything every single day with each other. It doesn't sound healthy I know but, we loved each other so much and were so comfortable with each other. He such an amazing guy and I was always questioning how the hell I got so lucky to be with him because I'm nothing compared to him. He was so talented in every single thing. Seriously he was always teaching new things that would be so random but I loved it and I wouldn't know shit but he taught him so much about so many things. I seriously wouldn't know half of the shit if it wasn't for Aaron. I have become such a cooler person thanks to him. 

All my emotions come in waves; I have good days in a row then I have very bad days. Distractions help a lot and that's how I've been surviving all this. I'm thankful for my family and my friends for being there for me but nothing is going to fill this void that I have in my life right now. I lost my boyfriend of 7 years and nothing will ever replace that. I was talking to so many people and to be honest yes it filled that void for like one second but now I'm back to fuck, nothing is going to be the same. I want to do all these things and I used to do them all with him and I'm in this phase of feeling so alone and lost. I got no one I can just text or call and hang out with and be comfortable and be my true self. I'm alone.

I really do believe that he didn't want to leave any of us because there were so many people that loved him. 
I'm not going to air Aaron dirty laundry to the whole internet but he did have some drinking issues and has fought with his depression for a long time plus some other personal things. I don't blame anyone but I feel like there are some opinions I have on what was going on during the past few weeks before we all lost Aaron in our lives and even the week after Aaron passed but I won't go into detail about all that either because I really don't want to "expose" shit that needs to be said face to face plus I know everyone is going to read this. I'm 22 years old and this is the hardest thing I will probably ever go through. I still don't know how to react, to feel, to think. Every single day is a reminder that I have to stay strong. I am going to live the life that Aaron would want me to have. He wouldn't want me to be all sad and he would want me to be happy. He always did so much for me and always was there for stand up for me but now that I'm alone I have to be all these things and do them for myself. 

I'm sorry this post is just everywhere and I know I have so much to say but every single day is different emotions. I'll probably write something else eventually and I do want to write like a mini little book or I don't know something about me and Aaron because he will always have my heart. 

I just want people to know that Aaron was an amazing boyfriend to me and I will never ever forget him. 

I'm going to share some photos and videos now...  there is no order at all. 

This is just a glimpse of what memories I shared with Aaron. 
Thanks for everything babe. I will be strong for you because I know that's what you would want. 

Blog posts that include photo memories that happened with Aaron:

this was our song....  it's in korean so lol

Here's the poster I made thanks to the help of Justine (Aaron's sister), My mom, and Fatima(my cousin)

I'm glad you aren't hurting anymore.
Rest in peace my handsome I miss you.

the cutest photo ever I'm still crying 

No comments :

Post a Comment